Refusal of the Call - Why Do We Reject Our Dreams?
Can Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey help stop us from turning our back on our dreams?
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You get this fantastic idea. It's exciting and feels almost as if your whole life has led you to this point. You're ready to change and move forward toward accomplishing your dreams. And then, something happens, it might be an external issue or something barely noticeable, but somehow you find yourself getting sidetracked.
Slowly or maybe all at once, you start to see all the reasons why your dream won't work. Perhaps you're just too busy to work on it, an issue at home that needs to take priority, you can't afford it right now, or you think you're too young, too old, etc. But you tell yourself it's still important and you'll do it someday. But there are just too many reasons why you can't move forward right now.
But what if hesitation was not only something that happens to most people but is actually an important step in our journey?
“Choice is the act of hesitation that we make before making a decision.”
- Alan Watts
The Hero’s Journey
Joseph Campbell was a scholar of mythology. He found that many stories follow a similar pathway. The hero must leave their ordinary day-to-day world to live their adventure. They face trials and obstacles, eventually meeting and defeating their adversary, and finally return home the victorious hero. Campbell described these steps of the adventure in The Hero With A Thousand Faces, calling it the “Hero’s Journey.”
The Hero’s Journey
Departure
The Call to Adventure
Refusal of the Call
Supernatural Aid
The Crossing of the First Threshold
Belly of the Whale
Initiation
The Road of Trials
The Meeting with the Divine
The Temptation
Atonement
Apotheosis
The Ultimate Boon
Return
Refusal of the Return
The Magic Flight
Rescue from Without
The Crossing of the Return Threshold
Master of Two Worlds
Freedom to Live
The Refusal of the Call
In Campbell's pathway, the hero is introduced to his mission in the Call to Adventure. But they will often initially refuse to accept their path. Campbell called this denial by the would-be-hero the Refusal of the Call.
There are many examples of this in modern movies and stories. In Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit, Bilbo Baggins and Frodo initially refuse to join the party and leave the Shire. Frodo tries to give the Ring of Power to Gandalf instead of taking it to Mount Doom himself. In Marvel’s Spiderman, Peter Parker is initially unwilling to use his newly found superpowers to stop a robbery, resulting in his Uncle Ben's death.
One of the best examples of the Hero’s Journey and the Refusal of the Call is in the original Star Wars. After being rescued by Obi-Wan, Luke Skywalker is invited to join him in the fight against the Empire. But Luke refuses. In this initial exchange, Luke is presented with his adventure and purpose to learn the ways of the Force. But instead, he repeatedly gives reasons why he can't leave the safety of home. Luke refuses the Call of Adventure.
BEN
You must learn the ways of the Force if you're to come with me to Alderaan.
LUKE
(laughing)
Alderaan? I'm not going to Alderaan. I've got to go home. It's late, I'm in for it as it is.
BEN
I need your help, Luke. She needs your help. I'm getting too old for this sort of thing.
LUKE
I can't get involved! I've got work to do! It's not that I like the Empire. I hate it! But there's nothing I can do about it right now. It's such a long way from here.
BEN
That's your uncle talking.
LUKE
(sighing)
Oh, God, my uncle. How am I ever going to explain this?
BEN
Learn about the Force, Luke.
LUKE
Look, I can take you as far as Anchorhead. You can get a transport there to Mos Eisley or wherever you're going.
BEN
You must do what you feel is right, of course.
From Star Wars: Episode IV: A New Hope script - Lucasfilms Ltd.
But in all of these stories, the character overcomes this refusal and joins the adventure. They embark on their Hero’s Journey, becoming heroic, and fulfilling their destiny and purpose.
“We must let go of the life we have planned so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”
- Joseph Campbell
Giving Up On Your Dreams
In our real lives, we may not think that our dreams are as exciting as saving the galaxy or joining the Avengers. And yet, as the main character in our life's adventure, we follow this same Hero's Journey. We find a passion, a calling, a purpose, and have a choice to answer this Call.
But we may act like the young Luke Skywalker, giving every excuse as to why we can't pursue it—believing that the world of adventure is not for us. We place work, family expectations, and our daily lives above our desires. Saying we wish we pursue our dreams but instead tell ourselves, as Luke told Obi-Wan, "but there's nothing I can do about it right now."
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Sometimes, we may not even be aware of our refusal. We tell ourselves that we are moving forward with our goals but, in actuality, don't make any progress. We make foolish choices that slow our start, don't plan for the challenges that await us, or self-sabotage ourselves before we truly get started.
While at other times, we may be well into our journey when we encounter a particularly difficult challenge. Questioning ourselves and our abilities, we may decide that it is simply too hard to move forward. We give up and return to the safety of our former lives and the familiar, letting go of our passions and purpose.
The journey of personal development follows this same Hero's Journey. We embark on an adventure to discover our higher selves, to find a better self, and discover our true natures. But if we refuse to let go of our current identity and sense of ego and self, we may block our journey and find ourselves unable to move forward in our quest for transformation.
“If you give up on your dreams, what’s left?”
- Jim Carrey
Why Do We Refuse the Call?
In our early history, humans learned that leaving the familiarity of our village and venturing into the unknown was dangerous. Trying something as minor as a new food source like an unknown berry could result in potential poisoning. So, staying within the borders of acceptable norms and ideas was far safer than trying something new. But not all choose the path of safety. And our world has expanded and evolved due to those that answer their Call.
Today, we are still creatures of habit and seek comfort and safety. Making changes takes effort. It’s much easier to do as we have always done. Our brains and bodies are lazy; doing what we’ve always done takes less energy, and changing paths means putting in an effort. So instead of moving forward, we tell ourselves all the reasons why we can’t follow our passion.
While our excuses may be individualistic, the actual reason beneath them is usually the same: fear. We fear leaving the safety of the known, the comfort of the familiar. Doing something new, even when we follow a preplanned pathway, we can’t predict the outcome with 100% accuracy. There is a possibility that things won’t work the way as planned, or may take longer, or be more complicated than we imagined. And worse yet, we often catastrophize, imagining the worst possible dangers that await those leaving the comfort of the ordinary. It is as if we place dragons on the edges of the unknown in the map that we draw of our future ideal world.
“To be a human being is to be in a state of tension between your appetites and your dreams, and the social realities around you and your obligations to your fellow man.”
- John Updike
It may seem, at first, that this fear is based on money, time, or resources, but it is a crisis of belief in ourselves. We may struggle with guilt for doing something for ourselves or feel that we are not worthy of future success. Or perhaps we falsely believe that our past failures must dictate that our future holds more of the same. We doubt ourselves, our abilities, and our confidence.
On the path of personal growth, our transformation may mean admitting that we have flaws and imperfections and are not currently the person we want to be. When we change ourselves and follow our passion, our fear is the real reason we make excuses. We are afraid of what is to come and may be equally scared to face what has been holding us back. And yet we must face those fears to move forward.
What Happens When You Turn Your Back on Your Dreams for Good?
Sometimes we are unwilling to answer our Call. We let the voice of fear drown out that of our passion. We tell ourselves that we can’t, it’s too dangerous or not for us, and choose to permanently stay in the safety of the familiar, never venturing forth on our life’s adventure.
Joseph Campbell believed that a permanent refusal did not lead to stagnation but instead “converts the adventure into its negative.” The permanent refusal leads one down another pathway, that of the anti-hero, or The Shadow Journey.
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The pathway of the anti-hero is one of decay instead of growth, where we internalize our excuses and embrace our limiting self-beliefs. We become defensive and protective of our fragile egos to maintain our belief in our rationalizations and excuses. We see ourselves as victims instead of heroes. And yet, it is our decisions and self-sabotage that make us victims. Unable to move forward, we wait for someone else to be the hero to save us. And prefer this feeling of victimization over facing the truth that it is our self-responsibility to answer the Call.
Surrounded by self-created barriers, defenses, and rationalizations, our world contracts. Lacking the wider view of adventure and the unknown, we focus only on what we know and can see. Our lives become meaningless, and boredom replaces what could have been our adventures.
“When you give up, your dreams and everything else, they’re gone. Hard work is worthless for those that don’t believe in themselves.”
- Naruto
But the voice of our passion and purpose is not entirely silenced, still whispering in our thoughts and dreams. So we seek activities and substances to drown it out. Drugs and alcohol may be common, but we may also use other distractions. We may use vacations and expensive purchases to provide a temporary but unsustainable sense of adventure. Busy calendars, meaningless relationships, or long work hours fulfilling someone else’s dream may help support the ego and self-image. But these must continually be propped up against the bitterness, regret, and anger we feel for turning our backs on our dreams.
When we refuse our Call entirely, we reject who it is that we really are and our purpose in life. But even when ignored, there is no reason to remain lost in the shadows. We can always decide that we are now ready to listen to that whisper, that urge to follow our dreams. Step outside of the ego and fear that holds us back, embrace our potential and answer the Call of Adventure.
“Not all who hesitate are lost. The psyche has many secrets in reserve.”
- Joseph Campbell
Your Adventure is Calling - How to Answer the Call
Refusing the Call is easy, but answering it is not. Making changes requires effort, humility, and courage. It means believing in ourselves and finding the inner strength to move forward.
Many of us settle instead of taking on the real challenges in life. Following the path of others or societal expectations, we take a job, a relationship, or a hobby. It’s not what we really want, but it’s good enough. So, we settle, don’t push past it. And by doing so, avoid facing the real challenges that come with going beyond and working towards our life’s goals. We look for quick fixes instead of working towards lasting change. To answer our Call, we must put in the effort to move past “good enough” and reach for the truly great.
"When you reach an obstacle, turn it into an opportunity. You have the choice. You can overcome and be a winner, or you can allow it to overcome you and be a loser. The choice is yours and yours alone.”
- Mary Kay Ash
It requires humility and putting down the mask we use to hide our fragile selves. Letting go of our ego and pride, we must allow ourselves to be a beginner again. We must look honestly at ourselves, who we are, and know who we want to be. It means dropping our defenses and facing our flaws and weaknesses to move beyond them. To know our values and see where we are currently compromising them in life and why.
Following our dreams means we must stop listening to the expectations of others. We are never too young or too old to pursue our passions. The limitations that others may place on us that we are not this, or not that, no longer apply. And we must find the inner belief and self-confidence to understand that we are all good enough to follow our dreams.
Answering the Call means to stop focusing on the reasons that you can’t do it and stop seeing excuses where there are none. The sore throat before a big interview, the flat tire on your way to a meeting, or the unexpected expense; we encounter these stepbacks and then use them as more reasons why we can’t move forward. We see the way forward as too difficult and look to turn back. But these are not signs that you’re on the wrong path but obstacles to be overcome.
“Alas, where is the guide, … to supply the simple clue that will give us courage to face the Minotaur, and the means then to find our way to freedom when the monster has been met and slain?”
― Joseph Campbell
To accept your adventure takes courage. In a world of monsters and dragons, one must be brave to leave the Shire. But even in the real world, we must still tap into great inner strength to follow our dreams. In a world without fantasy monsters, the challenges will be difficult. We still must find the inner strength to embrace our adventures. And to know that it is finding this source of courage that moves us from being an ordinary somebody to becoming the future hero.
And finally, to accept our Call to Adventure requires commitment. It is acting and moving forward, doing instead of dreaming. While we may have stopped short with hesitation and fear, answering the Call means stepping forward and fully committing to follow our dreams.
"Love what you do and do what you love. Don't listen to anyone else who tells you not to do it. You do what you want, what you love."
- Ray Bradbury
We are all heroes on our life’s journey. But heroes are courageous and brave, and so must we be. We must take that step over the proverbial threshold to greet our adventure. While it is natural to hesitate and linger, eventually, we must all step forward and become the heroes we are meant to be.
Author:
Laurie Trueblood is a writer and life coach that enjoys fantasy, science, psychology, and everything nerdy. As the founder of Adventures to Authenticity, her mission is to help others level up and become the best versions of themselves.
Read more on Personal Development as the Hero’s Journey in The Call to Adventure.
Learn more about following your dreams and becoming a hero. Check out How to Be a Hero and Why is it so Hard to Follow Our Dreams? Or check out our Hero Coaching Programs to find a mentor for your journey.
